as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
