So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
