Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
