Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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