the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
