whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
