He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
