I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
