AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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