you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
