I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
