my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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