I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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