i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I deserve this hangover.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
