You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
