I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sorry about my life...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize