We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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