this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
