Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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