when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
