oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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