They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
