you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
