peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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