had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize