Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She said her name was "party"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
