Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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