i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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