I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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