Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
