ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i've created a new STD.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
