i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
