Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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