32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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