you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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