dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
