I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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