If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
