It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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