are you still at the devil's house?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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