there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
