Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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