it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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