She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
