this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's blow job season.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
