Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
