I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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