How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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