I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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