I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
