I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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