How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
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New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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