ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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