I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
