Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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