This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
