i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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