Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
ok first of all what the fuck
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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