dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
