you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
