i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
dude. I can hear the air.
tell me about the fingering
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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