ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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