Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
