U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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