I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
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You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize