Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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