Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
