I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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