this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
