Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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