I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
