my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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