ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
