My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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