I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize